“Whether we’re just coming into the SAA fellowship or have been here awhile, we realize we cannot stop our sexual addiction by our own unaided efforts. Many of us knew it before we came in. We all need help.”
— Getting a Sponsor
Ideally, having a sponsor is an integral part of recovery from addiction. Working closely with someone to identify your bottom lines and your accessory behaviors can be very helpful to working the Twelve Steps. A sponsor is someone who has found sobriety from their addictive behaviors and gives us individual support and guidance in applying the Twelve Step program of recovery to our lives.
A prospective Sponsor should be sober, have clear bottom lines, have gone through withdrawal, be working the steps, be available, and ideally have their own sponsor. The S.L.A.A. Fellowship has a series of questions to ask a potential sponsor are described at https://slaafws.org/questions-to-ask-a-potential-sponsor.
A good way to find a sponsor is to attend meetings, conferences, and workshops in your area, if there are any. You may also attend meetings, conferences and workshops outside your area.
Listen as people share at meetings and events and see whom you relate to. A Sponsor and Sponsee work well together when they share a common history. Listen for people who have some time in the program and who have Sponsors of their own. Listen for someone who shares honestly, as honesty between a Sponsor and a Sponsee is critical.
We suggest you don’t go to meetings and announce loudly, “I need a sponsor! Who wants to be my sponsor?” — rather choosing a sponsor is a deliberate process.
Finally, don’t get discouraged. There are many reasons why someone may not be available or willing to be a sponsor. Remember “no” is their way of establishing healthy personal boundaries for themselves, which is one of the signs of a strong recovery.
Note: While this document is not SAA ISO-approved literature, it was approved for intergroup use by the Fellow Travelers Intergroup Sponsorship Committee, June 30, 2023.